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"The St. Francisville Experiment"

Stink Yard Article #B10

Reviewed by :   Giggles Rating :   (1.5 outta 5)

A while back, my website counterpart, Shortstick, reviewed a movie called STRAWBERRY ESTATES. We'd heard good things about it, but we'd also heard good things about THE SAINT FRANCISVILLE EXPERIMENT. Better things, in fact.

I'm glad to report that neither mockumentary is worth watching, not even to celebrate or revel in cheesiness. In St. Francisville we learn some paranormal terms in the opening segment (and if you've seen any ghost story, these terms are nothing new): thermal imaging and cold-spots, etc, etc.

This movie has better pacing and direction than Strawberry (no, I don't mean Tom Skerrit's character in Cheech & Chong), and it also has better ideas. But at least S.E. had an interesting main character-- this movie takes the approach that real people are about as complex as a pencil.

Nope, this movie doesn't have characters that are notable, or a story that needs repeating. Let's just say that a group of teenagers go into a haunted house, with a psychic of all things, and try and stir up some ecto-action. They succeed, but their true success is the back-breaking yawns they conjure in the audience during this process.

Here's a scene to give you a hint: one of the characters is too scared to go into a room, so he waits outside the door for almost ten minutes, talking to his friends down the stairs. In real time, the scene probably lasts five or six minutes and nothing happens. No-thing. Pretty intense, huh?

I wouldn't mind finding her cold-spot.

This chick plays the standard role of the fraidy-cat. If I could hold her hand through the television set, I would, but alas, she must remain untouched and left to her own whinny devices.

When something "scary" happened, this joker repeated the same line twenty times in the movie. But it was only funny the first seventeen.

prankster.mp3

This guy could play Duke in G.I. Joe The Musical.

Ah, purse-strap-titties. We at Youngmanridge like this almost as much as seatbelt-titties. Women, please take note.

It's nice to see three completely different expressions of cluelessness all on the same screen. Maybe I've been too harsh with this movie. The looks of befuddlement are on a level of brilliance that only lobotomy patients could talk shit on.

Just ignore the Mark Hamill in training and take a gander at the girl for a moment. She looks attractive in this picture, but her jaw seems to noticeably grow throughout the film. Shortstick, Roachito and I felt that her nose reminded us of that girl Blossom (of the same named TV show), but with a jaw like that, we decided on her new name: Jawsom.

The ole unnoticed roach on the sandwich routine. When has this ever been scary? Hypochondriacs might be squeezing their pant-legs, but not me. I can just hear Chris Rock: "A roach on a sandwich? That ain't scary. That's livin in the projects!"

"Lemme take a look in there.... nope, no Gregor Sampsa in there."

"Huhhuhuhuhuhuh. Wooh. Like I'm tuuuuh-rippin' on these ghosts man."

Our lovely lady gets taken down Money-Pit style...

...while Jawsom is haunted by something that looks in-between a large tapeworm and McDonald's very own Grimace.

To conclude on this movie, I would just like to bend over, spread my cheeks and give a nice pppffffftttt salute to these filmmakers. I have no hard feelings and I bear them no ill-will. Worse movies have and will be made, but it will be a while before another film comes around that has bored me so exquisitely.