"Scarecrow"

Stink Yard Article #B18

Reviewed by :   Giggles Rating :   (3 outta 5) Kills :   15

Scarecrow. Scarecrow. Scarecrow. (Sigh).

This website has long stood by our resolve: EVEN IF IT SUCKS, IT'S STILL FUN TO MAKE FUN OF. And that goes for "Scarecrow." Almost certainly. This is one of those slasher movies that makes a choice early on to be campy and not be serious. It doesn't really work, but if you have a few college-educated friends, or drunks ones, or both, and you can talk them into watching this movie with you, you might find yourself enjoying its quirks. At times.

First off, come on! Who couldn't like a movie that THE BULLDOG supervised for musical content? I tell you, watching these movies sometimes really makes me feel like I'm doing society a favor by warning you ahead of time. That's it then, I've finally figured it out... we at the Stinkyard are jumping on the grenade for all of the world, one bad flick after the next.

We have the classic revenge of the nerd story (told better when it's Melvin the Toxic Avenger). The problem here, with this nerd in particular, is a terrifying descrepancy in age. This dude's like 30 and he's supposed to be going to high school? Shit, he acts like he belongs in the 3rd grade. This here is the real Billy Madison, chill'ren.

The nerd has the hots for this chick, who kind of reminds me of the singer Pink. Okay, well, she's not exactly the same, but you have to admit that she is a bit Pinkish.

This high schooler already has a bald spot and he still doesn't get why he's being tortured by the other students? He's the only student that brings a ziploc with propecia and a squirt bottle of Rogaine in his lunch box.

And he rides a SCOOTER?

And check out his mom. She's like all of two years older than him.

This scarecrow becomes the nerd's alter ego after his mother's boyfriend awkwardly strangles him to death. I dunno though, this protector of the corn looks suspiciously like Corey from Slipknot.

I didn't doctor this picture; believe me. That cop is actually wearing a squirt-gun in the movie. Check out the red dot at the end of his Super Soaker-5.

Put on your best Napolean Dynamite voice and say: "Scarecrow's got to be popular with girls. He's got Ninja-flipping skills, Decapitation Skills, Crow-Scaring Skills, Reaping Skills, and Kung-Fu skills."

Really, after watching this movie, you'll wonder if Scarecrow was the lost Power Ranger. I never knew going into this that I'd get to see so many aerials and unnecessary acrobatics.

And, Scarecrow likes to talk shit, a la Fred Krueger, but for the most part the audience just kind of pshaws him. I couldn't ever take Freddy seriously after NOE 3, but this character I took seriously for half a heartbeat. There wasn't anything scary or menacing about him. He was merely goofy and it ends at that.

The filmmakers somehow want Dario's name to work through osmosis and soak goodness into the mess they've made of cinematic art. I won't tell you whether it worked or not. But I will tell you that the Scarecrow landed a better role and cleaned himself up a bit.

"I could think of things I never thought before, and then when I'd think, I'd think some more! I'd not be just a nuthin! Head all full of stuffin, blah blah blah-bleh blah!"

 

P.S. For those of you who on occasion take time off from downloading music and porn and actually come to this site to read these silly reviews, sorry for the delay of this article. Mr.Giggles here had to make himself an honest man and get married, and its been nothing but booty ever since. Sorry patrons, priorities first. >:)