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There are many givens when you set out to watch a crap-movie. One of them happens to be concept, and another happens to be character. If either one turns out partially interesting, most of the time the movie is forgiven for its shortcomings. But the Killer Shark concept has been done before, and the characters in RED WATER try to believe they're not in a shark-movie. And they almost convince us with a subplot about sunken treasure and gun-waving criminals. This concept, integrating a crime story into a killer shark movie, has also been explored in the both the atrocious but cheesy-good Devilfish and the utterly mediocre Shark Zone. My question though: Aren't killer sharks enough to stabilize the main problem in a story? Wasn't JAWS only about a shark? Sheriff Brody didn't have to track down jewel thieves en route to slaughtering the murderous great white. So if Brody's off the hook, why does RED WATER let our friend, Lou Diamond Phillips (star of the guiltiest of pleasures LA BAMBA), endure such tried measures? There is no answer to this in the film. But there is a healthy portion of Kristy Swanson and.... for some reason, Coolio.
The Discovery Channel drills for oil on the side? I knew there was something shady about them. If you want more insight about the ultimate channel, go to our LIST and see why alcohol and marijuana don't mix well with science television programming.
"I've seen better sharks in preschool drawings," said YMR sitemate Roachito. I would tend to agree. Afterall, this is the best shot of the shark in the entire movie.
"What you say? Shark in water? Uh derrrrr."
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRITCHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Watching this movie, me, Roachito and Shortstick, all of the vast population that comprises Youngmanridge.com, decided that Lou Diamond is too good of an actor for these kinds of movies. We were embarrassed for the other actors who shared scenes with him.
...Although some of those "actors" got some fringe bennies for their participation in Agua Rojo.
I don't think you could trust Lou if he ever gave you a look like this. Any minute I expect to see a forked tongue flicker out from between his lips.
The original, more endowed, Buffy! Kristy Swanson provided much to look out in the movie when people weren't being threatened by thugs or deranged aquatic beasts. At
one moment in the film, Lou actually yells at her,
Willem Defoe & John Mayer? Now that's one fucked up combination.
Hey,
remember when this used to be a shark movie?
A thrice ugly Crispin Glover. Geesh, put a pillow over his face and be done with it. For Pete's sake!
Blue-blockers Ritchie? Are those really necessary for people who aren't living on the sun and happen to be 145 years old? He looks like he belongs in that old miniseries, "V".
As stupid as this shark is, he cleans up in the movie. A regular Jason Voorhees high in omega fatty acids. I think we'll call him Skills the Shark. Dig it.
Goddamn, does this guy actually get uglier every time he comes on screen? Where's the cyanide tablets? I'm through looking at him.
Will you take a gander at that? Richie's got perfect form.
Coolio has starred in numerous horror films now. I suppose he has tried to reinvent his gangsta image by transporting it from videos to cheesy shark/crime films.
"I told you not to drink water down in Tijuana. But you didn't listen, did you Richie? You just wanted to be screwed blue and tattooed. The women down there, they might smell like fish but taste like chicken!"
I thought the movie was just fun-enough. But I will give it ultimate kudos for the ending. How Lou's character deals with Skills the Shark is too-too fuckin' cool. Think of a deepthroat root-canal and you might begin to get an idea. |
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