"Class of Nuke 'Em High"

Stink Yard Article #B7

Reviewed by:

Shortstick

Rating:

(3.5 outta 5)

"Class of Nuke 'Em High" is a Troma movie. If you've ever watched a Troma film before, you pretty much know what you are getting. They seem to have cornered the market on "cheesy-fun horror" movies. Except for "Legend of the Chupacabra" of course. I blame that one on Joe Castro though. Even Troma can't overcome the "Curse of Castro".

Like quite a few Troma movies, this one takes place in Tromaville. Tromaville is one fucked up city. They have dirty politicians and nuclear waste just waiting to fuck shit up. In "Class of Nuke 'Em High", the local high school is right next to the power plant. The atomic waste is doing strange stuff to the students. Of course, the local bigwigs deny anything is happening, even though the honor society has turned into the high school version of Gwar. Oh well, so it goes. Lots of other nuclear related shit happens that I don't want to get into, because I would ruin that movie.

Or I am just being lazy.

 

I didn't even know that Biohazard was in existence when Nuke 'Em High was made. Of course, this might not be "Biohazard". The theme song sure doesn't sound like them. You gotta give it a listen, it's a hoot!

Class of Nuke 'Em High Theme Song

Mayor Belgoody (Toxic Avenger) hasn't missed too many meals has he? Actually, he didn't play the same character in this Troma movie, but he should have. I think he owned the power plant or was in charge of it or something. No matter, he was still a scum bucket in serious need of a stomach stapling.

The main characters, Chrissy and Warren, have some snappy letterman jackets don't they? With the movie once again taking place in Tromaville, some shit head public official probably funneled the funds that were supposed to go to the jackets into his private hooker account.

Kids, this is the reason you don't want to do drugs. Look at what can happen to you. Roachito better be careful. Then again, this might have something to do with the high school being built next to a nuclear power plant.

Nah, I like the drugs angle better.

Seriously though, if you were this dude's parents, wouldn't you take him to the doctor or something like that? It looks like he is growing a fucking tail out of the back of his head.

These fine looking group of goofballs used to be the school's honor society. Somehow, they got all fucked up. Is it the drugs or the toxic waste? Some questions are better left unanswered.

But a better question: "Is this how Gwar looked back in their high
school days?"

This dude bares a striking resemblance to Cousin Larry. It's a shame that Balki didn't make a cameo in the movie.

A couple of members of Gwar are examining a marijuana leaf from a recent purchase from a guy who grows the shit at the power plant. They decide to market the shit as giving the user an "Atomic High". Do you really need to have a marketing slogan to sell weed? I thought that shit practically sold itself.

The marketing geniuses from Gwar are forcing their atomic weed on Cousin Larry.

Let me get this straight... The have a marketing program and they force people to smoke their shit? These dudes are future millionaires I tell ya.

 

The atomic weed must be some powerful shit. Check out the looks on their faces. It looks like someone laced the weed with hydrochloric acid. At the very least, these folks deserved Oscar nominations for their fine acting in this scene.

The light weights, shown above, couldn't handle their shit and threw the joint on ground. An unsuspecting goober passes by and destroys the joint. Cousin Larry is understandably distraught given the demise of his joint.

It is rumored that Roachito has reoccurring nightmares similar to the previously described events.

 

Atomic weed also makes chicks want to show their boobies. Three cheers for atomic weed!

It seemed like music played throughout the movie. If you clicked on the link for the theme song, you already know that it was super-duper hair band inspired.

At times, the movie seemed like a hour long music video. This particular scene was the filmmaker's tribute to a Krokus video.

 

Chrissy is kind of a hottie in an 80's sort of way. She is hot enough to make you think "Hmmm.. I wonder what she looks like without clothes?"

Sadly, when we saw Chrissy sans top, it was something we wished we hadn't seen. From time to time (and it doesn't happen often), it is better to imagine what the boobies look like than to actually see them. I actually wanted this chick to put her top back on.

Who hasn't pretended that they had a laser dick? I know if I had a chance to mess around with a laser, it would be the first thing that I would do. Fuck burning holes into shit or pretending that it was a lightsaber. Besides, I've heard that chicks really dig guys with laser dicks.

At Youngmanridge, we have perfected the "do whatever we can to not actually review the movie" review. I'd be lying if I said that there was actually something to review in regards to "Class of Nuke 'Em High". It isn't profound nor is it an utter waste of film. The most that I can say is that there are certainly worse ways to waste an hour of your life. This film is a fucking masterpiece compared to any of the Joe Castro flicks we have watched. Then again, that isn't saying much, since we are convinced that Joe Castro is the worst horror film director ever. BUT.. that is a subject for a different time, like my next review (hint, hint).