The
Master List or....
Things
we learned from the Discovery Channel while impared..
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- It is very important
to have a flash light with you if you are in the Serengeti
- Don’t swim
in swamps because there might be prehistoric sharks in them
- Chimps like smoking
- Lots of theories
about Neanderthal Man, but none are right
- All scientists seem
to be bald, shaky, old, and wear funny hats
- I wish I was a chimp
with my balls blowing in the wind
- Sharks get physicals,
poor people don’t
- Getting bit by a
shark would suck
- Sharks have a lot
of teeth
- Wet suits show off
your package, but they look stupid
After
his physical, the doctor told Sir Sharky that he needed to
get in shape. I guess he decided to take up tennis. |
- It’s very dark
down there
- “You need the
love monkey”
- Not much discovery
on discovery
- Empirical evidence
on discovery isn’t that important
- Everything funny-looking
goes extinct
- Animals on discovery
are pussies and I am waiting for them to kill something
- When horses are born
they are disgusting
- If you’re gonna
die, take your pets with you
- Jade is a symbol
of immortality
- Historians are not
losers
Maybe
you really don't need the love monkey this bad |
- You know you are
cool if you have a tomb
- Many human beings
have been hit with an ugly stick
- Maybe historians are
losers
- Discovery doesn’t
have good special effects
- Astronomers have
stupid constellations
- The sphinx looks like
a cock
- Inside every pyramid
there is a giant cock
- Egypt looks like
Tattooine
- “Oh, it’s
Ronco!”
- There is mutilation
on Discovery; especially sheep mutilation
Sally
is pretty damn excited by the prospect of a giant cock inside
of the Pyramid |
- Scientists dress like
Mr. Rogers and are brainless
- Jacques Cousteau
takes on many faces on Discovery
- There are subliminal
messages on Discovery
- Skulls, no matter
what species, are cool
- Statues fuck each
other on the Discovery
- No comprendo discovero
channo
- Ya know, it doesn’t
matter what ethnicity, because everyone is afraid of sharks
- Swamps are ridiculous
- Animals are sneaky
- Afterburners are
the airplane’s ass
- It would suck to
wiggle around in a gator’s mouth
Never
noted for his fashion sense, Mr. Rogers seems to have the
edge on this goofy scientist |
- Manatees don’t
like the wind
- Buzzards use alligators
for surf boards
- Discovery lies to
us
- Discovery has a lot
of commercials about itself
- Oh, that’s
a red water mite…I’m sorry
- Getting digested
would suck
- The weather has a
lot of power
- Wind fucks shit up
- It's hard to find
your room in a hurricane
- Montana is very rugged
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